Today is the day ~ A Little Princess

The truth is kids grow into teenagers arriving at that crossroads in life when they are neither child nor adult not fitting neatly into one camp or another and my god, do they let you know it at every given opportunity. They are a breed apart from mainstream human society. I do not use the term breed lightly as I believe there is a certain animal quality inherent in any individual between 13 and 19. They think they know it all, they accuse you of not caring and tell you constantly that you do not understand them. They are constantly bored, always critical, totally self-obsessed, self opinionated and make it their aim in life to get on your nerves on a daily basis. Where once they were endearing and cuddly, suddenly they are obnoxious and rude to the point where you really cannot believe that they are yours and that you actually gave birth to them. It seems strange that at this moment I should recall Mary Shelly’s novel Frankenstein. I guess she was not the only one to create a monster. Perhaps I am being too hard on the little darlings and they are not the least bit like monsters but with retrospect, I sincerely think not. There is definitely some connection. Teenagers really do exist. We as parents often ask ourselves what is it that we did to deserve such treatment from our offspring, when all we ever have is their best interests at heart. Surely they should be grateful to us for putting a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs and giving lifts to concerts, clubs, parties, friend’s houses, school, shopping and of course the school run which would not have been too bad but with my middle child that meant to school and from school until he left at 16 and doing the same for his mates was a bonus for me on most days. And what about holding their hands at the dentist, the orthodontist, doctors and in the school playground, well at least until they got too embarrassed by you and would rather you kept your distance. This last observance about distance seems to last well into their teens. God forbid that their friends, most of whom you have known since infants should see them with you, their parents. On the rare occurrence where our daughter granted us with her presence, on the premise that she would get a new iPhone saw her walk several paces behind with her hood up so as to avoid recognition by any of her friends that may be loitering in the vicinity.  In my own particular case the list also included daily trips to the stable yard, and weekly trips to the local golf club. Did I mention the ballet classes and the weekly football? Yet all we get in return for our considerateness is eyes up to heaven, monosyllabic grunts, tuts, shakes of the head  and mutterings under the breath to indicate how irritating they find you. You are old and are not the least bit clued up about where they are coming from or where they are going. They speak a whole new language…’you get what I’m saying like’ and so on and so forth. I have given up correcting speech and grammar in favour of a peaceful life by simply turning a deaf ear when they do speak. However, by doing this I get accused of never listening but then why should I when the language I grew up with has been murdered and mutilated beyond all recognition. I am on my third and final teenager now. My first two are now in their 20s and parents themselves. If what goes around comes around then I will take great pleasure in watching my children suffer the storms and strops of the turbulent teens in turn, a sort of divine retribution shall we say where the Piper is paid back in kind, and when mum can sit back with a smug smirk on her face in an all knowing way. 

Just now our baby girl, currently 16 going on 26, is uppermost in my thoughts. It has been like that a lot lately. Until a few short months ago she was a wild unkempt tom boy who resembled a pikey rather than a little princess. For instance, if I had mentioned the word bra to her she would have recoiled in mock disgust at the thought of it. It was all I could do to broach the subject when she eventually developed sufficiently ample bosoms to require one. I remember one time watching Trinny and Susannah unashamedly grab the breasts of a woman they were restyling on their makeover tv show only to be accused by my daughter of exposing her to pornography. If she had seen a couple kissing on television she would have looked away, genuinely embarrassed. How times change, now she has realised that she has a fine pair of what my husband terms man magnets, a really cringe worthy image, he is a builder and such terminology frequently finds its way into the house, and she is more than a little proud of what she has in common with Jordan and not the least bit shy or modest even. Oh yes, times have certainly changed. My little girl has gone and grown up on me without warning. She is no longer my chicken in the library or my ferocious lion with sharp teeth and claws but has donned the appearance of a diva come rock chick right down to her perfectly pointed stilettos. On the subject of stilettos, she did insist on wearing them the other day to go shopping with her mates. I did warn her. My exact words were, I think “ Are you sure you want to wear those shoes?” well of course she was sure, she liked them and they looked ‘dead good’. I had to agree they looked great but mentioned that she might feel differently about them after wearing them for a few hours around the shopping centre. I was of course proved right, and there was no need to rub it in by saying ‘I told you so’. It did not need to be said…the pain in her feet and legs said it all. I do not believe she has worn those shoes since. To think that we use to watch From Ladette to Lady on television, and laugh laboriously at the dreadful pits to which these young girls would sink. It never occurred to me that I was harbouring a ladette in the making, although I like to think that she still has a few ladylike leanings but that is most probably wishful thinking on my part. Perhaps it is just a passing phase, just one of many. I thought it would be easier this time, firstly because I have done this before with two boys both delightful little cherubs when they were born, well at least for the first few weeks. They do not remain babies for long, and before you know it they soon grow into the men they are to become albeit bit by bit. If the law of attraction is true and I have no reason to believe that it is not the old saying many a true word spoken in jest takes on an entirely new meaning. Why oh why did I ever jokingly liken my sons to notorious twins. What was I thinking? Actually, I clearly was not thinking at all. How was I to know that by saying such things I was tempting providence, and unknowingly urging the Universe to accommodate me.

© Liola Lee 2010

(image is one I took of my lovely daughter who is and will always be my Little Princess)

‘Today is the day’ …was a collection of musings I wrote during the Peri menopause years. It’s spoken in the first person, and was based largely on my journal entries written around that time. Journalling is a wonderful way to express this, that and whatever else needs to be said whether aloud or silently…

Memoirs ~ Ping…”Oh no not my knicker elastic”

Ping! Oh No, not my knicker elastic! If you have ever had your knicker elastic break then read on. This is the story of one child’s harrowing experience! The girl was in Class 6 at the time or Year 5 as it is now called. The teacher was a lovely lady with long mid- brown hair, and a kind warm-hearted smile. Her name was Miss Lawrie. She wore short skirts and long suede boots which were in keeping with the fashion at the time. She was an attractive woman, and far too nice to be working in a school like Kelvin Grove Junior. The school was rough and not for the faint hearted. Try as she would Miss Lawrie could not control the class. You had to be as tough as old boots to work in this school. Miss Lawrie was out of her depth, and drowning in a sea of chaos and child led conflict. By now you’re probably thinking that it was Miss Lawrie’s knicker elastic that snapped. Not so. To understand the enormity of the impending situation, one has to have some idea as to the establishment in which the event took place. The teacher, as has been noted was lovely, the school was not! The children or at least some of them were as you’ve probably guessed by now lacking in social skills, and in training for a future stay at Her Majesty’s Pleasure.  Some of the boys were scary and some of the girls even scarier still. Hopefully by now you are a little clearer as to how things were.

‘PING’ -” Oh no not my knicker elastic ” thought the girl who was instantly thrown into a state of shock, horror and disbelief all rolled into one. Everything that ensued was the result of a nine year olds race to rescue herself from ridicule and embarrassment. The girl put her hand up to gain the teachers attention, for it would be fair to say that she was a good girl, and liked to adhere to the rules, at least most of the time and to have shouted for attention would have been quite rude. Miss Lawrie saw the child’s raised hand and asked what it was the girl wanted. The child asked to be excused to go to the toilet. The teacher agreed to her request, and simply said not to be too long. Oh, she was so nice, that Miss Lawrie! Holding tightly onto her knickers as discreetly as she could manage through her clothes, the girl stood up to leave the classroom and make her way to the toilet. She hoped that no one would notice how nervous she was, and how red in the face from embarrassment. She hoped no one would question her. If they did she would feign a stomach ache. That is what she would do. This would explain why she appeared to be holding her tummy; just to be on the safe side the girl pulled a few good faces as well, as if by screwing hers eyes up, and opening and closing her mouth in mock pain she would appear more convincingly unwell. Luckily the toilets were only a little way down the corridor but nevertheless the walk to the toilets seemed to take forever. She walked slowly, trying to appear as though she were in great physical discomfort. After all, if one must pretend to have a stomach ache then it went without saying that one should look and act the part. Whether she looked the part or not remains a mystery. At the time she felt that she gave an Oscar winning performance.

Arriving at the girl’s cloakroom, for that was where the toilets were the girl looked about to make sure that she was quite on her own. There were two toilets in the cloakroom adjacent to each other both with the walls painted a pale understated shabby pink . There were grey slightly chequered melamine doors. Children observe the strangest of things at the strangest of times. The girl turned to tackling the problem of her falling down knickers. The knickers were nylon and had a purple design with a sprinkling of orange flowers. The girl never forgot those knickers. The girl got so involved in fastening the offending garment that she failed to hear someone enter the cloakroom quietly, and oh so sneakily. What was worse, the girl did not notice that she was being watched. There was a gap of some six maybe eight inches between the toilets in the single window recess which served both small rooms. The toilets were not original features but had been added much later and the builders had clearly not thought to fit the dividing panel flush to the window, so that generations of girls could enjoy at least a modicum of privacy. Why should they care?

Back to those knickers. Fortunately, the girl was quite practical, and had a good head for solving problems. She was wearing lace- up shoes. Good strong laces should be just fine to fix things for now, the girl thought. She unlaced one shoe and gathered up the loose material on the waist of her knickers, and tied the lace as securely as she could. This done, the girl returned to her classroom, still unaware that she had been spied on. She was actually feeling quite pleased with herself for her ingenuity and immediate improvisation. She wondered if others would have thought of so clever a solution. With hindsight it would probably have been easier to discreetly let the teacher know of her predicament, and she might have simply been given a pair of spare clean  knickers. The school always had spares of everything, including knickers, just in case of emergencies, and this was most definitely an emergency. Yes it would surely have been easier but then when you are nine, something like this is difficult to talk about. You’re not thinking in the same way you do as an adult.

The girl returned to the classroom relieved that her knickers were now tied securely. However, she moved about carefully just in case the lace worked itself loose. The fear of her knickers falling down was too awful to contemplate. It just didn’t bear thinking about. Returning to the classroom the girl carried on as normal until lunchtime. No one need ever know. Thank goodness for that she thought. After lunch the children gathered in the playground for play, before the afternoon session got underway. Anyone who noticed the missing shoelace was told how one minute it was there, and the next minute it was gone. Children often take things at face value. No one questioned that it seemed odd, and indeed unlikely.

Then, the girl’s worst nightmare happened in the guise of Wendy. Wendy was really not a nice girl. In fact she was a mean and nasty individual who ran a good line in bullying. Even some of the boys were afraid of her! She was someone to be avoided at all costs was Wendy, best to stay out of her way. Wendy made it quite clear that she had seen the girl in the toilets tying her shoe lace around her knickers. Wendy said it in an all knowing smug way, her weasly face looking even more weasly than usual; it seemed to empower her, and give her satisfaction that she had the upper hand in this situation should she wish to exercise any control over her involuntary victim. The girl felt her world crumble about her! She wanted the ground beneath her to open up and swallow her whole. Soon she would be made the laughing stock in the playground. The tears welled up inside her, and she could feel a knot forming in her throat that was making it difficult to breathe. It took all her effort to hold the tears back. She felt sick to her stomach and totally panic stricken. The girl wished that Wendy would get it over and done with! Wendy was cruel and hateful! Never before had the girl hated anyone, not really anyway but today she thought she hated Wendy. Today was the worst of all days, and the girl felt sure that there was worse yet to come. 

Wendy made the girl’s life a misery on a daily basis. Wendy and her partner in crime Robert used to wait for the girl and her little sister after school skulking in the shadows, only to appear from nowhere or so it it seemed. They would push and shove the girl along the road, taunting her and spitting at her, making fun of the fact that her and her sister were the only kids in the school who wore the correct uniform. The girl did nothing. She let them push her, she let them shove her, and let them call her names. She did nothing, and she felt that by doing nothing they would leave her sister alone. She was right. They never lifted a finger against her little sister. Whether the girl was right or wrong is a matter for debate. Some would say that she should have hit those bullies as hard as she could. Others might say that she was right to turn the other cheek. Some would say, ‘Well, that’s kids for you’. What was strange that year was that Wendy could have pointed the finger at the girl, and told the entire school what she had seen that day in the toilet. She could have let everyone laugh at the girl’s expense but she didn’t. If she told anyone, they never said anything. Childhood can be a tough journey for some. Children try to find their way in the world. Some seem to sail through with ease while others have many challenges and obstacles to overcome. It was a long time ago now and the girl has grown and dealt with far worse! Yet at the time those feelings of panic, and the fear of being ridiculed were very real. 

This really happened. The bullies were really called Wendy and Robert. I would have named and shamed them but decided to omit surnames to protect others. They know who they are and I can only hope that they changed and that if they didn’t, well that is for the Universe to decide. 

‘I don’t know’…

I wrote it when a young girl named Leah Betts died as a result of taking Ecstasy. Her death sparked all sort of debates on the use of drugs. Leah Betts died just over 23 years ago now, and yet the debate still continues. It’s a short play written mostly in verse. It’s pretty raw. It remains as it was written, and has never been edited, and it has never been shared. When I wrote it I was 33 years old. It was just the way I saw things back then. I titled it ‘I don’t know’ because it really was an issue that sparked debate…

I don’t Know…


From man came woman,

From woman came man,

In the beginning –

It all began.

Word of the Serpent,

Flesh of the fruit,

Tree of Knowledge,

Ready to loot.

From wisdom to folly,

From pleasure to pain,

Narcotics abundant –

Like water, like rain

Access is easy,

Scoring a treat,

Like sugar, like candy,

Habitually sweet.

So it was in the beginning,

So it will be in the end,

Unsavoury substance,

More foe than friend.

Hello and welcome,

I bid you please stay;

Your opinions are valued,

Your ideas are weighed.

This floor I’ll now open,

The debate underway;

The campaign has started,

Please have your say.

I’ll into the background;

Stand down, stand away,

The way now is forward,

Go on, don’t delay.



Man: (To the audience) I am the man in your life. I am the male line of your ancestry and your family yet to come. Take my hand. Let me lead you through this maze of mindless madness. Let me show you what I have done. I am not really a bad man but I am a man who has been bad. Let me introduce you to woman. (he turns from the audience and beckons the woman to come upstage)

Woman: Did you call?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Something wrong?


That’s what we’re here to find out. Look out there. See those people (pause) just say a few words – go on.

Woman: What should I say?

Man: Anything you like. They ‘re a gullible lot.

Woman: (clears throat) I am your Mother. i am the lifeline of Humanity. The heart within your home. I am not a bad woman but I am a woman who has been bad. (Aside to the man) They don’t say much do they?

Man: That’s because they hear all, see all and say nought. If they say something, they might get noticed, draw attention to themselves. God forbid that they should stand up and be counted. What’s worse – they might actually be asked to do something. Truth is, they don’t like to get involved. If they don’t get involved they can’t get hurt. Savvy?

Woman: Oh yeah, right. I see what you mean – I think. You mean they don’t care.

Man: NO – they do care, they probably care a great deal. It’s just that – they don’t understand. Caring is not the same as understanding.

Woman: Oh, right. Well, what should we do then?

Man: LISTEN…They must listen. They must open up their minds and hear the words being spoken. They must go right back to the beginning and start again. The way ahead is written in the past.

Woman: What? (Pause) In books and stuff?

Man: In life my dear. In life.

Woman: Oh, right. Anyway, I’m off now. Can’t stand around here chatting all day. I’ve got more important things to do. You coming?

Man: Oh alright. (Pause) Hang on just a minute. (Turns to audience) Remember, just listen. (Lights down).


Did you hear

What he said?

Did it go

In your head?

Open eye

Open ear

Open mind

Knowledge find.

Answers to questions,

Problems to solve;

Travel the path

Of learning, Evolve.

Right, wrong,

Aye, nay,

Uneasy errors

Invoiced to pay.

Here come before you,

From forth the dark screen,

Reasons against, in favour, unseen.

Listen intently,

Hear all that’s said,

For later, your vote

Must be cast, voiced, said.

Into the shadows,

I’ll now take my leave,

Win, lose, maybe grieve.




The Baron:

Greetings good people;

You all look so swell,

So smart and so clever,

Well-dressed and fed well.

Your affluence astounds me,

Glistens and glows,

I’ll show you a good time,

Where fun overflows.

Don’t be shy,

Don’t be bashful,

Don’t be coy, hidden, quiet,

Life in the fast lane

On my diet,

Will equip you with nerve –

Dare! On higher.

I have the power to make dreams come true,

To grant you your wishes, honestly, I do.

I’ve pills and I’ve powders,

So many in store

And when these are finished,

I’ve always got more.

Trust and believe me,

Good people, and note,

I am your future

When you cast your vote.

(Enter man and woman)

Man: We’ve been listening to you. So you reckon you can show us a good time? Prove it.

The Baron:

Very well…. Let the show begin. First on the catwalk, representing the Amphetamine School of Fashion, we have an energising little number called Pink Champagne. Otherwise known as Whizz, Speed, Sulphate, Billy and Go faster. Tell us my dear, what you can do for us.

Pink Champagne: For all those tasks you need to get done, take me and I’ll keep you awake for hours. i’ll provide you with more energy when your natural reserves are low. All you people who want to lose weight, I’m your solution. No more fad diets. A little bit of me will mean a lot less of you. I’m Whizz – try me. Buy me.

The Baron:

Thank you Whizz. (to the audience) Let’s hear it for Whizz. (The audience applaud as told). It now gives me great pleasure (aside) and profit to invite the delightful Ecstasy to take the catwalk. A lovely little mover who guarantees you a good time. Over to you Ecstasy.

Ecstasy:  I am known by many names. Doves, Strawberries, Apples and Burgers to name but a few. Drop me and here’s what I’ll do. I’ll make you warm, I’ll make you glow, I’ll make you love the sweetest rush of feeling that’ll leave you reeling. Go on, try one, have some fun. Sexual healing, floor to ceiling. C’mon, my man’s dealing.

The Baron: Yes, oh yes – without a doubt Ecstasy will take you to that loving feeling. Not 15, not 12 but just £10 a tab. Yes folks, just £10 is all I’m asking. Roll up now while the price is low. I’m practically giving them away. Next up, we have an old favourite. Please let’s hear it for Acid.


Hi there people.

Let me take you to that land,

In realms beyond your dreams;

Where colours are abundant

And wonders never cease.

Wow!!!! I say and Wowwww!!! again,

It really makes you see

How vibrant, vivid, wonderful,

This World of ours can be.

The grass is green,

The sky is blue,

Can you see it too???

The people on the walls,

The stars beneath our feet,

Jellybeans and rainbows,

Mushrooms act as seats.

The night is young,

The fun’s begun;

There is no turning back:

Wheels, wings and bicycles,

Goblins, witches, hacks.

The fare’s paid up,

The ride is on,

From here to journey’s end.

Like the Waltzer at the funfair,

Completely round the bend.

Try me, fly high with me,.

Oh Man…

The Baron:

These are just a few I supply,

To help you get high.

Stick with me people.

For a small price,

I’ll deal, serve, entice.

Don’t be slow, don’t be dull,

Don’t be boring,

Come on, get scoring.

Give you a lift, depression shift,

Happy, real happy, get my drift?

Don’t stop me now,

I’m a man on a roll,

Targeted goal,

Fall in a hole.

Not to be outdone in the race,

To get out of your face,

I’ve more on my books,

Of habit making hooks.

The finale here shows,

A threesome, Crack, Smack, Snow:

When you tire of the rest,

I’ve saved these last for best.

So special, important, my number one,

One of many prats I’ve done.

I’ve got you now, you’re in real deep,

All twisted, sorted, a worthless heap.

That’s not quite true,

Of course I care,

You’re my moneymaker,

– so what?  Life’s not fair.

Live fast, live happy,

Excitement and thrills,

Forget normality, boredom and bills.




Woman: (To Man) Sounds good and it’s there for the taking. It might give me confidence. I’m usually so shy. Oh, and I could do with losing a few pounds. oh….but I don’t know. What do you think?

Man:  Well, I must admit, taking drugs does seem to have alot going for it. With all this misery in the World and all this poverty and deprivation, I could do with a little cheering up. Might make me forget about reality for a while.

Woman: Of course if we spend money on drugs, we’ll have to go without other things. Maybe things like food, clothes, going out, that sort of thing. I suppose it does n’t matter if it’s just this one time. I would like to see what it’s like. Shall we?

Man: Well, I honestly think it’s important to experience something first hand before dismissing it as something bad. Don’t you?

Woman: I guess so – I’m a bit scared though…and what if somebody finds out? We might get into trouble….remember it is illegal, we could get nicked.

(‘nicked’ – slang in English for getting arrested by police).

Man: Oh be quiet and let me think.

Guilt: (A voice in the Woman’s head) Yes, it most certainly is illegal. As the law stands at present the possession of drugs and offering drugs to others can result in a criminal conviction. You must want your head examined. A conviction on a drugs related charge could affect your entire future. Have you thought about that? Is that what you want? You must be thinking it’s wrong or you would n’t be worrying now, would you?

Woman: I don’t know! I really don’t know what to think…maybe it’s not wrong. Maybe it’s the bureaucrats wanting to prevent us from having a good time. Statistics suggest that many more deaths can be attributed to alcohol and tobacco related illnesses. Yet drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes is not illegal. in fact the Government make money from the taxes paid on both. Does that not seem a little absurd? Seems to me that the Law promotes whatever’s in the best interest of the Lawmakers.

Man: (Enters) Who are you taking to?

Woman: Just myself.

Man: What about?

Woman: Whether or not I should experiment with drugs.

Man: Have you decided yet?

Woman: Not yet. i need more information.

Man: Let me know when you have.


Perhaps, maybe, yes, okay?

No, I don’t think so, decline, no way?

Options are open,

Access is clear,

The path uncertain,

Obstacles, fear.

Bureaucratic hypocrisy,

On the one hand it’s wrong

To use any drugs,

Unless they belong:

To the groups on the list,

Stinking, smelly, rancid and pissed.

See this poor creature,

A wretch among men,

What is it that ails you?

Tell us again.


Living Corpse: (enters)

The flesh of my body,

The thoughts in my mind,

Excessive indulgence,

For years constand grind.

I’ve had it, you name it,

Tried all of that shit;

Combined it, denied it,

Supplied it and hit.


Man: You look terrible.

Living Corpse: Can’t think why….

Man: What you on?

Living Corpse: Borrowed time. (Exits)

Man:  Where’s he gone? What did he mean? I wanted to talk some more.

Woman: Did you say something?

Man: No….nothing…it does n’t matter…come on…we’d better make our minds up soon…it’s nearly time to vote. (Both exit…lights out)

Narrator: (Lights up)

There they go,

Where, don’t know?

Neither do they,

Matter is grey.

A guiding light,

A helping hand,

A kindly word,

Voices heard.

Is anybody out there?

Who cares to speak out?

Stand tall, stand strong,

Breathe in deep and shout.

(Enter the Politician)

Politician: (Carrying papers, looking officious and business like…coughs and clears his throat)

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I first must convey,

Apologies sincere,

For my delay.

People here gathered,

To see you is great.

So many in number,

Attend the debate.

It’s ME you must follow,

ME you must choose,

MY way’s the right way;

Any other – YOU LOSE.

The solution is simple,

Straightforward, quite clear,

No nonsense, no dithering,

Fill you with fear.

There’s no other answer,

No room for doubt,

When offered drugs,

You merely shout – NOWT!

(Stands down, exits, walking past the man and woman without noticing them)

Man: Well, what a load of old bollocks that was. I’m sorry for swearing but does he really think we’ll say no just because he tells us we should? I consider myself to be an intelligent human being. I am capable of rational thought. When I make a decision I engage my reasoning powers to sift through the available information to make an informed choice. Tell me…am I being unreasonable?

Woman: No…of course not. I’m sick to death of all the propaganda and double-standards myself. They tell us don’t do drugs – THEY KILL – but then so do cigarettes and alcohol. They don’t seem to be in a hurry to ban consumption in those areas. The fact that the Government accumulates vast sums of money from the taxes on both – seems to me, a prime case of hypocrisy. Current statistics provide evidence indicating that cigarette smoking and alcohol consumption contribute to far more deaths than the illicit drugs they seem opposed to. The powers that be will have to do better than…DRUGS KILL ! SAY NO !

Man: I never knew you felt so strongly.

Woman: Well you do now. I’ve been doing some research of my own and my findings make interesting reading.

Man: Go on.

Woman: First of all, that Baron, whatever his name was, did n’t quite tell us everything. He painted a very rosy picture emphasising the feel good factor associated with drug use. His motives however…are purely mercenary. supply and demand is his livelihood. The higher the demand, the more money he makes. it’s simple economics. Therefore like any salesman he promotes the advantages of his product. the selling points in this particular market place are feeling good, happy, energetic, dreamy, confident, uninhibited and even inspirational.

Man: Sounds good to me. I’ll have some of that.

Woman: Wait there’s more. What the Baron ommitted to tell us was that the effects experienced from any of the drugs on offer depend on various factors.

Man: I’m listening.

Woman: Well…it helps to be in good health. As most drugs are taken in concentrated doses to achieve maximium effect…you know, to get a buzz, the body needs to be able to cope with the chemical changes that occur. Many of these drugs increase the heart’s rate, so  any respiratory illness would increase the possible risks.

Man: You mean like asthma or maybe a heart condition?

Woman: That’s exactly what I mean. You see, you have to remember that drugs interact and interfere with the body’s natural balance. When any foreign substance enters the blood stream, the body’s natural reaction is to try and expel it. If run down or in poor health the body’s defences are weakened and the risk of something going wrong is greatly increased.

Man: Sounds ominous.

Woman:  Not necessarily. Drugs can without a doubt make you feel good. They can be beneficial both physically and mentally. They can of course be highly dangerous and prove fatal. When a doctor prescribes drugs for treatment, he bases his decision on the patient’s medical history and his current health. Furthermore, in making his decision he is drawing on his knowledge gained from many years of study. What may be suitable for one person may not be okay for another. No two people are the same. Drug dealing is big business. There are no ethics involved and no discernment.

(Man yawns)

Woman: I’m sorry if I’m boring you, just hear me out.

Man: I’m sorry….go on.

Woman:  Of the drugs that hit the streets many are full of impurities…cut with other substances….vim, worming tablets, laxatives, ketamin and all sorts of other things. There is no way of knowing. Some compounds are highly toxic and invite trouble…. You never can tell.

Man: I guess it’s a bit like playing Russian Roulette….I only wanted to enjoy myself….have a bit of fun.

Woman:  It’s not all doom and gloom. Life is by it’s very nature full of risks… a game of chance….always hoping that you have the winning hand. it’s a gamble. There are no guarantees.

Man: So what’s the answer?

Woman: Make yourself aware of the facts, good and bad….then the choice is up to you.

Man: But it’s still illegal.

Woman: It is at the moment but sooner or later common sense and logic must surely dicate. The Government could offer greater protection, and exercise greater controls if they bring the issue of drug use out into the open.

Man:  I know that and you know that….perhaps someone should enlighten them.


When God made him

And he made her,

The box she opened,

Ills she stirred.

Out they poured

One by one,


No more stored.

The box stands empty,

Vice lifts her head,

Wickedly grinning,

Wrongs to shed.

Hold on a moment,

Slow down, relent,

A feeling called Hope

Appears heaven sent.

The human condition,

At times rendered weak,

Answers to riddles,

Solutions we seek.

It’s all a conundrum,

A mess, no , a heap,

Get it together,

Wake up, dream, sleep.

Debate is concluded,

Floor declared closed,

No longer deluded,

Decisions imposed.

Farewell now, good people,

Nether judge nor condemn,

Keep your mind open,

For you could be them.


©Liola Lee 1995








Today is the day ~ Shirley Valentine

I am 48 years old, married with three children, three grandchildren, a dog, two cats, two rats and a whopping great mortgage. That is me in brief but not me in my entirety. There is actually a lot more to me than that first sentence would seem to suggest. Just recently I have had much more than my fair share of Shirley Valentine moments. Of course there are some of you reading this, that may not have a clue as to who Shirley Valentine is or was. However, those women out there of my age give or take a few years, and those who are older will most likely or just maybe know just who I am referring to, as will some of the men out there who watched the film panic stricken that their wives would run away to an idyllic setting in the sun, having taken leave of her senses and leave them with the kids, the bills and just about everything else that represented the reality of working class life. Actress Pauline Collins gave a marvellously funny performance in this role, which when I first saw the film meant little to me. At the time the film first came out I was a long way from being Shirley Valentine or anyone like her. I was still just a girl with dewy skin and even dewier dreams. Now at 48 with hair which would be grey, white even if I let it be natural, which I shall not just yet as I am just not ready for that sort of declaration, and with me approaching menopause at motorway speed I understand only too well what the film was about now. I think and am sure that all women feel like Shirley Valentine at some stage in life and particularly so in the fourth and fifth decades. To say I want to run away some times, and be me all by myself indulging in something more than housework is I have to admit a truth that probably does not surprise the wifely sisterhood. I think a woman suddenly realises with an almighty crash back down to Earth, that when her mother told her that marriage really was not a bed of roses, she was actually telling the truth and telling it from a place of experience, and not trying to put a downer on romance. However, that is not to say that marriage is never good because of course it is sometimes. 

© Liola Lee 2010

‘Today is the day’ …was a collection of musings I wrote during the Peri menopause years. It’s spoken in the first person, and was based largely on my journal entries written around that time. Journalling is a wonderful way to express this, that and whatever else needs to be said whether aloud or silently…





Memoirs ~ Kelvin Grove

How often have you heard adults say that your school days are the best days of your life. I am sure that Tom Brown in the novel of the same name would argue against that assumption. Looking back I can honestly say that at times I enjoyed school, and at others I hated it. School for me was just something that you had to go to. There was no choice, it was compulsory or so that is what we believed. Things were very different in the 1970’s. For a start, few parents dropped the kids of at school; there just wasn’t any need to do so; children made their own way, either with brothers and sisters or with friends or both. Parents didn’t group in the playground, cluttering the place up with pushchairs and toddlers, clucking around like broody hens. You were trusted and expected to take yourselves to school, and trusted to get yourself back home again from a very young age. Parents just didn’t have the same fear factor that faces modern parents, well, at least not to the same degree. Parents didn’t have to get that involved with the school apart from making an appearance at Parent’s Evening every now and then. Once you were at school the teachers were in charge of you. That’s how it was. If you did wrong at school, the teachers would punish you as they saw fit; maybe with a smack or a shout or if you were a boy, you could get sent to the Head Teacher for the cane. I can recall taking the register up to the Head Mistress’s office as that was where they went once the register had been called. It was not unusual to see a queue of boys waiting to be given the cane.

My school days began as a rising five at Kelvin Grove Junior School in Kirkdale, South East London. It wasn’t reputed as a particularly good school but it could have been worse and it could certainly have been better. Would have passed an Ofsted inspection these days? Highly unlikely! Maureen, my eldest sister had started her school career at St Joseph’s Roman Catholic Primary School. One lunch time she refused to eat an apple so the Nuns locked her in a cupboard, in the dark. I have never been locked away in a dark cupboard. For a five year old it must have been terrifying. If that was done to a child today it would be considered child abuse. Mummy took her away from St Joseph’s immediately, and found an available place at Kelvin Grove, which is how we all got to go there.  Perhaps that early trauma in Maureen’s life left an unseen scar. 

We used to walk to school form Hillcrest Road, down through Well’s Park to the other side, where we came out at the top of Taylor’s Lane and then into Well’s Park Road. At the top end of Taylor’s Lane there was a tiny house. In fact I think even now it was the tiniest house I have ever seen. It stood adjacent to the park’s entrance. Rumour had it that a witch lived in the house. Everyone knew it. It was common knowledge; therein lived the Witch of Taylor’s Lane in her witch’s hovel.  Many children used to shout out “witch” as they ran past screaming. Everyone was terrified of her in case she cast an evil spell on them or cast them a look with her evil eye.  Now, when I heard about the Witch I simply believed what I was told. Why should anyone lie about the presence of a witch? Far be it for me to argue with a fact that had been established as true by those who professed to know more about these things then the likes of me. Why question the fact? She must have been called a witch for some reason or at least that’s what I thought at the time. These days I question everything, and have no time for witch hunts or witch-finder generals of which there are still many, all eager to fill the post

One day when still very young, I was walking by and I actually caught a glimpse of the  so-called Witch of Taylor’s Lane.  The Witch was very short, tiny in fact with hair like thistledown. It was surprisingly neat and tidy hair for a witch or so I thought at the time.  My image of Witches at the time was based very much in Grimm’s Brothers fairytales.  Her skin was crepe like and wrinkled as one would expect to see on one so old. It was said that she was a hundred years old, maybe even as much as a hundred and two. She did n’t look as scary as I had expected. Witches were supposed to look scary or so I thought. In fact she did n’t look scary at all. It was n’t until much later that I realised that the Witch was no witch at all.  She was just a tiny frail old lady living in a tiny cottage alone, probably lonely, and persecuted. Why someone had decided on some day at some time to call her a witch is unknown to me. Children can be so cruel! The old lady’s life was one of persecution and taunts by so-called innocents. She must have lived in constant fear! Some children would dare others to knock on her door,  and then run away. Others would be more brazen and even wait for her to answer the door before calling her names. There were others who would throw eggs at her house. I look back and curse myself for never having stopped what I saw. The old lady cruelly dubbed  thew Witch of Taylor’s Lane must have died a long time ago but there are many adults out there who must know that they did a terrible thing. I can only hope they are sorry for what they did. Me, I am sorry for what I did n’t do.We remember things at the strangest of times. Until now I had forgotten about that poor old lady. 

Going back to the subject of school, we would walk along Well’s Park Road until we got to the school gates on the Well’s Park side. I have many memories of playing in Well’s Park with my sisters and friends, and over the years it doesn’t seemed to have changed that much, not to look at anyway.  We were never worried about walking through the Park, never concerned that there might be some danger lurking behind the bushes in dark spaces; either because there wasn’t any danger or because we didn’t think about things like that which is more likely. Of course we were always told not to talk to strangers, and to go straight to school or straight home and not to dawdle; we were always told there was safety in numbers. Evidently, parents had similar fears to those felt by parents today, and yet, they still gave us room to grow and be independent. I have often asked myself why I have been so over-protective of my own children. Have times really changed so much that we dare not let our children out of our sight for fear that something terrible should befall them. Where and when did we learn to be so fearful?

My first teacher was Mrs Redgrave who appeared to me to be tall but then I was only four and a half so I expect all grown ups looked tall to me back then. Mrs Redgrave had silver shiny wavy hair that was neat and tidy, which she wore close to the nape of her neck. Mrs Redgrave had small piercing blue eyes that seemed to see right through you and know what you were thinking.  She was a teacher who demanded respect even from such young children. One of my earliest memories of starting school was sitting down in my classroom and wetting myself. It was possibly my first day at school. The boy next to me who I remember only too well for all manner of reasons raised his hand to seek attention from the teacher, “Please Miss, she’s wet herself” pointing at me. There were laughter and giggles all around.  I can hear it now echoing down through the corridors of time.  I don’t think I was told off as I believe that Mrs Redgrave quite liked me but I was escorted to the staff room and given some dry knickers to change into. I am not sure if I cried or not?  There was a good chance that I did as I was able to turn on the tears if the need arose even though I was only four. If I did cry, I have erased it from my memory. Either that or I didn’t cry. It was in this class that I made friends with Angela Ham. Angela was a pretty girl with big soft brown eyes and long black curled lashes. Angela Ham became my first best friend at school. It wasn’t until I was a lot older that I discovered Angela was black or maybe mixed race but then so was I mixed race being Anglo-Indian on my dad’s side, something I did not really know until much later in life. The same was true of my friends Angela and Charmaine. Angela’s roots lay in Jamaica and Charmaine’s in the West Indies. Of course they had always been the same colour, nothing had changed but what did change was that when I was a fair bit older my attention was drawn to it: not by anything they had done or that I had done but by politicians, people who should have known better. When I was growing up our friends were neither black, white or mixed race or anything else, they were just our friends. It didn’t matter the colour of our skin back then, and as small children we didn’t notice that there was any difference.  

 The only other incident that sticks in my mind is when after PE we were all changing back into our own clothes and Debbie who was to be another of my best friends was putting on her pink crocheted cardigan. While stretching up and out her arm into the sleeve, she knocked over a vase that was standing on the window sill. It fell and smashed in pieces on the floor. It was an accident but she still got smacked by the teacher for being careless. I think it was that incident in those first few days in school that encouraged me to be a good girl, at least for most of the time. Today my husband and daughter refer to me as a goody two shoes when I mention that I was well behaved at school. However, there were times later on when my halo slipped, and I became a survivor in a jungle, that jungle being school.  

From Mrs Redgrave’s class I found myself being taught by Mrs Riley who although she had an Irish name was not Irish. She too had silver hair but tinged with blue which she wore short. Mrs Riley had a rich mellow voice with an accent which was neither English nor Indian but which I am now certain to have been a mixture of the two. I feel fairly sure that she was Anglo-Indian which is where my own heritage lies on my paternal side. Of course I will never find out if I am right unless someone who remembers or someone who knew her is able to tell me if I am. Mrs Riley also seemed to quite like me, and never said a cross word to me. My time in her class passed without incident or at least without any that sticks in my mind, although one other thing has suddenly sprung to mind. The infants finished at a quarter past three while the juniors finished a little later. For those of us who had older siblings in the school we had to wait in the infant school hall until we were collected by our older brothers and sisters. During that time we would be read a story which was quite enjoyable as we were at an age where being read to was still very much a pleasure. On this particular occasion the teacher reading was Miss Marion. Miss Marion was I felt very pretty and fair. She wore long suade boots and short skirts as was the trend at that time. One afternoon my sisters were late collecting me from the hall. They got into so much trouble and were told off by Miss Marion in no uncertain terms. They were never late fetching me again. They were only little girls themselves but back then if you were older you were expected to take responsibility for your younger brothers and sisters.

Those were my years spent in the infants, next came the juniors.

In class two I was still best friends with Debbie who had superceded Angela Ham in that role. I had been devastated for a short while when Angela left the school but soon replaced her with Debbie who proved to be a great best friend. Children can be quite fickle. Debbie was a brilliant swimmer if my memory serves me right, and had beautiful long nails which I envied, as even at that young age I was a nail biter of the highest degree, and could bite my nails right down to the quick. Debbie also had pierced ears, something else I wished I had but did n’t.  Although to be fair I don’t ever remember making that wish known to my parents. It was while in class two that we moved out of Hillcrest Road and into Kent House Lane in Beckenham. We were no longer the Howatsons of Hillcrest. We were now the Kids of Kent House.

It was in class two that I met another but equally lovely Angela and beautiful Charmaine who were to become good friends throughout my school years. The class teacher was Miss Marcham who made a tremendous impact on me as a young girl. Miss Marcham was an attractive woman with short wavy bordering on curly reddish brown hair most likely auburn. Her voice was clear and crisp as fresh morning air in Spring. She had a nice figure, wore nice clothes and was engaged to Mr Shelbrook who was Maureen’s teacher, I think the first one that she had a crush on. Mrs Shelbrook like most teachers seemed to have favourites ,and we, all us girls in the class vied for that position. I don’t think girls are any different today at that age. It’s just so unfair on those children that don’t ever feel that they are among the favoured few. Me, I was one of the lucky ones and often felt I was up there with the best of them. Miss Marcham, later  to be Mrs Shelbrook was one of my favourite teachers of all time, and yet I can’t actually remember why this was so. Although later on in the school she was relegated to position of most unfavourite teacher, explanation to follow later.

It was also while in class two that I went down with tortecollis for a few weeks. At the time tortecollis sounded to my ears like a tortoise in the stomach which is what I told my horror stricken friends who believed every word as did I, and sympathised accordingly with oohs and ahhs. I had to stay off school for a few weeks to recover as it was very painful, and almost impossible for me to move my neck. I had a wonderful time staying at home being pampered, and nursed better by mummy. I eventually recovered from the tortoise in my stomach and returned to the jungle that was Kelvin Grove Primary School.

The junior years were as far as I was aware not unlike the junior years of anyone else but they were my junior years, and this is how I saw them looking back now as an adult. Class four followed class two and was taught by Mr Anderson. Mr Anderson was my first male teacher. He was middle aged I think, and bald on top with grey wispy hair to the sides. He wore casually smart trousers and corduroy jackets in dark greens and browns with checked shirts and a tie. He wore a hearing aid and dentures. The hearing aid was visible but the dentures were not and were only noticed when they fell from his mouth one time as he was shouting at the class. The class naturally laughed at the teacher’s expense and probable humiliation. That would teach him for shouting at us. He seemed to be always shouting and had little control over the class and yet he wasn’t a mean teacher at all. He was just a man doing the best job that he could to the best of his ability. We were a noisy class after all, that needed someone who could control us better or more correctly someone who could handle the boys more effectively for it would be true to say that the girls were pretty well behaved most of the time, and the boys or at least a few of them were as badly behaved as they came.  I am sure a few would be the fodder for her majesty’s prison system later on.  And so, I continued to move from one class to another, from one year to the next.

© Liola Lee 2010