So, rightly or wrongly I deleted all my posts from WordPress. Why do that, you may be wondering? Why indeed? I have been asking myself that exact question. The answer is not really clear cut.
I had a moment or rather a few moments, where I thought why am I even doing this blogging thing? Not the first time I’ve felt like that! Probably won’t be the last! I had looked back over the numerous posts and pictures I had posted over the last three years or so (or at least numerous to me), and just felt dissatisfied, discontented, disillusioned and disappointed in what I felt was my lack of creativity.
I wasn’t so much ‘feeling sorry for myself’ though maybe just a little bit but I think more a feeling of frustration as well as fear that time is passing me by and I haven’t yet achieved something more. What that something more is, I’m none too sure? I deactivated my Facebook (done that before too). Though my instagram I have kept @liolalee, though I did deactivate, and delete the images for a few days but then decided that I had been too rash and that I did rather like the visual aspect of instagram, so for now I have kept it but nothing is written in stone, and time changes everything.
I think this wanting to start over, have a fresh start and wipe the slate clean thing is somehow linked to the fact that in a few short weeks I shall be six decades gone. Yes, that’s right, 60. Yes, I know it is just a number but I am having this wave of feeling like I suddenly need to be doing something more than I’m doing with my life, achieving more, being more, just something more.
I felt pretty much the same when approaching age 30. Sort of like I should have been further along than, where I was at the time. Of course these ages (approximately) both see the return of Saturn astrologically speaking, (all you Astrology enthusiasts out there will know what I am referring to), and I know that I have come through the most powerful part of this conjunction and know that much of how I am feeling is somewhat Saturn related BUT I feel I am at a turning point and that there is a massive shift going on within my psyche. Knowing all that though does not really help much! For those of you unfamiliar with Astrology (not talking just sun scopes here), it’s fascinating and there’s lots of information on the web where you can learn more.
Astrology aside, I know what the calendar and the clock says but inside myself, I just don’t quite know how these years have slipped by so quickly without me noticing as much as maybe I would have liked. Suddenly, I find myself thinking about ‘time’ and how precious it is. I feel as though I need to waste it more wisely or perhaps not waste it at all. Laugh more, love more, move more, enjoy more and of course write more. There is a saying that ‘time wait’s for no man’. Clearly that applies to us all. Time waits for no one.
So, what am I trying to say in this post?
Well, if my beautiful, funny, ever so loving Mum was still alive, she would say ‘Make hay while the sun shines’. I know what she means now. Life is such a gift. Sometimes we are so busy with the busyness of life, that we are just on auto pilot without really paying attention to living this life of ours. I came across this wonderful quote by Eddie Cantor who said, ‘Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.’
I think what I am trying to say to myself as much as anybody else is, to stop, breathe, inhale, slow down, pay attention. Life goes by quickly. My Mum used to say it goes by in ‘a blink of the eye’. Become an observer, a listener, pay attention and be in the moment or you will miss it.
So, perhaps this post was not really about starting over from scratch but more about savouring the deliciousness that is life as it unfolds moment by moment. Just pay attention!
Just my thoughts at this time, and the first post of this new phase.
Thank you for reading!